Sunday, June 2, 2013

The iPhone Saga Continues...And What It Means For You

My iPhone was brutally attacked by a rabid two year old hell bent on destroying everything in her path. There were other casualties, but none were as important to me as my iPhone, so I won't mention them here. Or maybe I will - two plates and a potted plant did not survive the rabid toddler attack. It was sad. Let's have a moment of silence to honor their passing.

The iPhone, however, only suffered topical damage. It was cosmetic. The screen was cracked and looked like a spiderweb of doom.

Plan A was rushing over to the Apple store with tears in my eyes, toddler in tow so that I can point and say "she did it!" and hope for sympathy.

It went like this -

Me: "Please, please help me! My screen is cracked, my darling daughter smashed it into something. Please help me, my husband will kill me if he finds out." (I'm good at the begging.)

Apple Genius (they are actually called that, official title and all): "Sure, ma'am. We can replace your phone for $199."

Me: ... ... .... "Thankssomuch Apple Genius, my husband won't notice $200 missing from our account. You truly are a genius. How was it that I didn't think of that?" ... and then I cried.

Plan B - Husband was actually, surprisingly, understanding and claimed that surgery would restore my iPhone's beautiful complexion. So we opted for a screen transplant.

We chose a qualified professional, a friend who is an IT head at a prestigious university. He deals with Apple products all the time, so we thought, SCORE, his hands won't shake and the phone's prognosis just improved by 90%. Cause as tech savvy as my husband is, he's never had to perform such a difficult procedure before.

On the fated night of the transplant, I sat nervously in the next room, while husband and Apple-guru (our surgeon, we'll call him Apple Guru) performed the screen transplant. I couldn't help trying to listen in and what I heard did not reassure me.

"It's stuck," I heard Apple Guru growl.

Husband grunted in response.

Some time later:

"Just get the tip in and the rest will go in."


"It's your fingers, they're too big."

I was really hoping they were talking about the phone. More growls and grunts. My thoughts strayed to Apple Guru's fingers and what he might be doing with them. Or what he could do with them and where they may and may not fit. He did have big hands. But then I was jolted from my musings by a warm and sticky hand rubbing my thigh.

Life with a toddler is never dull. My favorite red jeans were now marred with a purple hand print on the thigh. Nice!

Back to our patient - my 4s iPhone - it is delicate and precise work, transplanting the screen. After five hours of intensive surgery - yes, FIVE hours! - the operation was declared successful! I was overjoyed. I was so happy that I forgot to spray stain remover onto my favorite red jeans. They will forever have a purple hand print as a commemoration of this blessed healing.

Okay, so happy ending and story over, right?


Yesterday, my iPhone suffered some serious complications post transplant. I thought it might have been that I got some water on it, but no. Apple Guru examined it this morning and declared it dead without hope of resuscitation. So, I will be phoneless until further notice.

Why do you care? Well, because this means I can't read. And, if I can't read or access books I've already read, then I can't review them for you. I read everything on my phone - Kindle app and iBooks - it's super convenient, hold the phone with one hand, while the other is free to be down my pants. Or not. But either way, there's no more reading for me until this is resolved, which will probably happen when husband will return from his business trip to South Africa (next Friday). So, I'm alone (well, not exactly alone, I'm with a rabid toddler - help? - whose birthday is today, btw) and phoneless and bookless.

What am I going to be doing in the meantime, you ask? Aww, I'm so flattered that you care!!!

I'm writing. Yes, I do write sometimes. I'm working on my snippets. I'm also working on another writing project that I will reveal when I feel confident that it's publish-able. Which may be never. But no, I'll polish it up and will release it soon...ish.

I'm also proofreading/book consulting (beta reading?). This is something I'd love to get off the ground as an actual money-earning activity. I love doing it and I'm good at it. After beta reading for a few authors, I've been told that I provide really helpful feedback and my typo catching abilities are admirable. I'm not so good at self promotion, as you can probably tell from my whopping 29 likes on my Facebook page, but when I feel that I have something to offer, I will say it. I am good at editing - seeing plot inconsistencies, characters who act out of character (har har), typos, phrasing that makes my brain hurt. I will point all these things out. Because if I don't, some really mean reviewer will, but it will be too late to fix it.

So, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the saga of my iPhone and how it has affected my life and your reading experience on my blog. Instead of reading, I now must write and edit. But don't worry. I'll be back (said in my best Schwarzenegger voice, which isn't very good, btw).

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